Where is OhSoSmitho? Where have I been? Just like the real Gossip Girl I've been taking a leave of absence from writing this blog, although fortunately for me it's not due to being embroiled in the near fatal car crash of a soon to be Monaco Princess and her Hotelier suitor. Alas I have been busy. Busy doing what exactly - that's such a lame excuse! Shhh, it's a secret. That's right so top secret air tight confidential that I can't tell even you my best OnSugar buddies. Okay so my mother knows, as does Biskit, Resident Child and Best Friend, but as for the rest of cyber space, no, at least not yet, so keep checking back at this page and in one, two, okay maybe ten years time, I might have some news for you. Until then, keep on blogging! OhSoSmitho. xxx

I'm having an identity crisis. As you know I love the glamorous life, I wear a fur gilet for god sake! But after a week of business meetings in London and leisure time enjoying the fashunz of Leeds, I've found myself craving nothing more than sitting with my head in a bucket of ice whilst listening to the soothing tones of Saturday Kitchen. Maybe this is why the slebs turn to Kabbalah and go camping - to cool their minds from all the flashing lights? So long as I don't start quoting Deepak Chopra I am hopeful that I will be ok. So why the crisis? It was those flashing lights I tell you, they burnt my brain. Or more specifically the flashing lights of Leeds Fashion Show 2011. That's right, I went to a real life FASHUN SHOW and it was...bright! And not just because of the lights but because of the fashunz of course dahling! The glamour was oozing as soon as we arrived at Leeds City Museum where we were greeted by a group of eager men with cameras, like proper bling paparazzi style cameras. Wow! 'Do you want your photo taking?' they asked me. Do I want my photo taking? Is the Pope Catholic? You have never seen me smile so fast. On entering the reception I stopped in my tracks, mouth gaping, as the most beautiful girl I have ever seen (in real life) was working the floor with her mic and camera, capturing the gossip from the designers and models as they prepared for the show.

The beautiful Abigail Williams was on reporting duties for the night

(photo copyright: Leeds Fashion Show)

By this point I did not care that I was wearing a white jacket; I needed to down a bottle of vino tinto pronto, if only to numb myself from the pain of indigestion brought on through my over excited state. Taking my seat, hands shaking, wine gulping, the show began, at which point my mental state transformed and I regained my composure.

Waiting for the show to begin

Now I don't want to start off on a negative note, and so I will get my biatch slaps out of the way, but as the show progressed I found myself coming over all Nina Garcia (which was strange as I always fancied myself as more of a Heidi Klum type, you know, loud and prone to yodeling, not tall and blonde silly). Anyway, sitting in front of the runway I could not help but invoke the spirit of Nina, if only due to the number of unfinished hems which were on display. 'You think it is acceptable to send something down the runway looking like that?' As Tim Gunn says 'Nina will notice' and so will Smitho! Of course, I am being unduly critical as the majority of collections on display showed hard work and creativity. The best of the evening are of course as follows:

Rene Boutique by Carrie Ann Toft kicked off the show and set the bar high

(photo copyright: Futuristic Productions)

Lisa Jayne Dann showed beautiful prints and bold colours

(photo copyright: Futuristic Productions)

Dancing Dolls - Their sex was on fire

(photo copyright: Futuristic Productions)

Bo Carter had nets appeal

(photo copyright: Futuristic Productions)

Ashleigh Chapman wowed me with this black and pink combo - my look of the night!

(photo copyright: Futuristic Productions)

Alessandra Ambrosio! Ok, ‘I’m’ not actually wearing the Brazillian beauty as I suspect that she would issue a restraining order if I tried to do so. What I am referring to is that Ale is this month’s ‘Chosen One’. Chosen One? Yes, Ale has been selected to be this month’s visual diary keeper of Vogue UK’s number one online feature, the ‘Today I am Wearing’ diary. And I am excited about this not only because I love the ‘Today I am Wearing’ column but because the editors at Vogue have at last listened to my complaints of woe and picked some legit totty for once. Back in 2010 we had Rosie HW (gorgeous dahling) and Coco Rocha (too cool) but in between we have had some real gash in the shape of Lowe, Lennox and Le Bon. Vogue, if you are reading this (oh how I would die if you were!) then you may as well choose me for November. I might only have a wardrobe featuring the dizzy heights of Topshop and Zara but at least I can claim that hard work rather than nepotism bought me them. Alas I digress with this bitter rant and must stop from stealing the Chosen One's thunder.

First up this month Ale has been wearing an Unconditional Blazer, Amen Leggings and Pucci boots...

and the next day a Carven dress and suede Valentino boots

(photos from www.vogue.co.uk)

Whilst I am satisified with what Ambrosio Cream Rice has selected to wear during the first few days of October (love the Valentino boots, not so sure about the disco leggings), I was most disappointed to see that she has not posted a picture of the far more fashinonable ensemble which she sported in Venice Beach, CA last weekend. Now this is fashunz dahling!

Has Ale been taking style tips from OhSoSmitho / Harry Styles?

In the words of Tim Gunn, Bozena ‘Bo’ Carter knows how to ‘make it work’. Some ten years ago now, Bo made the departure from her home town in post-communist Poland to set-up abode, in the epicentre of the Yorkshire Rhubarb Triangle aka East Ardsley, with her soon to be husband Stuart. Bo must like being at the centre of cultural phenomena as more recently she has made in-roads and crossed the glass curtain, positioning herself at the heart of the Leeds fashion scene. That’s quite the achievement for a girl whose childhood was spent in the sub-zero temperatures of Eastern Block housing and living in fear of visits to a dentist where teeth could be pulled without an anaesthetic.

I’ve known Bo for a good number of year’s now (she was kind enough to introduce my best friend to her future husband), and from our first meeting it was apparent that she was a ‘seize the day’ kinda girl. ‘Wow, you have amazing eyelashes’ I remember was the first thing she said to me. ‘Erm, thanks’ I replied, a little bit afraid. Thereafter followed periodic tales of Bo’s crazy pursuits: ‘she’s running a marathon’, ‘she’s got three jobs’, ‘she’s moving to Spain’. Is she mad, I often thought, but I guess escaping communism does that to you, it really makes you work for the good stuff. I heard randomly that Bo had not only entered but had been accepted in to the Leeds Fashion Show 2010. ‘Does she even know how to sew?’ was my immediate response. Apparently she didn’t, but typical Bo she did not let this handicap prevent her from going on to showcase her first women’s wear collection a mere two months later.

 Where it all began - Leeds Fashion Show 2010

(photo copyright: Chris Lawes / Underground Studios)

The rest as they say is history. In the last 12 months Bo has hauled her ass (and her husband’s) across oceans and continents in order to showcase her work, she has set-up shop in Leeds city centre, and for the second year running has been accepted to participate in Leeds Fashion Show this coming October, this time presenting her first menswear collection.

The Bo Carter Boutique at Birds Yard, Leeds (UK)

 Dreams do come true - A real life Bo Carter fashion shoot

(photo copyright: Chris Lawes / Underground Studios: www.underground-studios.co.uk)

And Bo’s hard work and drive over the past year has now been recognised at the Leeds Retail Awards, where on Sunday 1st October she was crowned ‘Local Designer of the Year’. This is fantastic news for Bozena and cements the fact that Bo Carter is proper Bo.

By far the highlight of Paris Fashun Week has to be that lovely Miranda Kerr has been in town, on the content of Europe, basically almost breathing the same air as me!! Were it not for the English Channel we could almost touch each other! Miranda if you are reading this, flights from Paris to Leeds are going cheap (you can stay at mine, I'll keep Biskit locked up, promise). Adding to my hysteria was that Miranda brought along her super cutie pie cheeky chops baby. I'm talking about Flynn Christopher silly. You thought I meant Orlando, didn't you? Although Mr Bloom Snr was also keeping in the attendance of his family during their trip to the City of Light. Skyler Morrison Berman had better watch out as he has got a rival heartbreaker on his hands with little Flynn.

I love you, you love me

We're a happy family

(photo credit: flynet)

With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, won't you say I love you too?

Aww :)

Enough of this Smitho, we're here to talk about the serious world of fashunz not coochie coo over babies. For Miranda was in town not just to flaunt the fact that she has spawned the most adorable child EVER, but to put in some hard hours of graft on the runway in order to retain her position as one of the world's top models. Here's her best work of the week so far:

Christian Dior

Lanvin

Viktor & Rolf

John Galliano

Stella McCartney

Given my usual standards of distaste I can say that the OhSoSmitho Barometer of Fashun indicates that I am mildly positive about all of the looks (minus the Quality Street Viktor and Rolf ensemble). Take the colour of the McCartney, the fabric of the Galliano and the dress of Dior (minus the wedding cake tiers) and we are nearing perfection. Well done MIranda and well done Paris for putting London in the shade once again. Which is your favourite look?

I wasn't drunk when I started with this train of thought, honest. In fact  it started on a Sunday morning, so I was about as far away from drunk as you (or more specifically I) can be. Ok, so I topped myself up not so many hours later which undoubtably contributed to my cognitive flow (it was a Sunday afterall (Sunday, Monday, anything ending in day, where's the difference?)). Here's how it happened:

Hard at work with the ironing I passed the time by watching The Rachel Zoe Project (I love you Rachel, call me)

Rachel went to visit the fashion house Marchesa (who's innovative use of my grandma's net curtains never fails to amaze me)

Or more specifically Rachel visited the very pretty ladies who run Marchesa

Pretty? Have you seen the one in the middle, oh my gosh how beautiful is she!?!?

Who

Is

This

Angel?

As the name 'Angelina Jolie' is already taken, I embarked on a hefty minute of research which led me to the discovery that said beauty was in fact a fair lady known as Georgina Chapman, the Marlborough educated co-creator of net curtain brand Marchesa. Damn I bet the other girl feels royally p*ssed off when Georgina rocks up to work each morning. But what was this, I wondered as I continued reading, Georgina was married (of course). I bet her husband is one hell of a looker I thought. Since the original Angie has already bagged Brad I was intrigued to find out who Georgina's spouse was.

So Georgina, what was it that attracted you to your movie producing, multi-millionaire husband, Harvey Weinstein?

Straighten your tie and smarten youself up Harvey!

Even after four years of marriage Harvey still can't believe his luck. 'Whoa is that really my wife?'

Which got me thinking of another 'odd' couple that I know. Who could that be?

Alas there is hope yet. Fashion designer and movie mogul - I knew it all along!

As the first semester of the new academic year gets in to full swing the first trend to reach my fair eyes this autumn is the attack of the killer salmon trousers!! Bearing in mind that I haven't yet fully recovered from spring's tights + shorts = homemade sausage disaster, being suddenly faced with this fishy frock horror is taking its toll on my nerves. Biskit get me the valium, now!

(photo source: www.tastydays.com)

So I know that when you first start school it is really important that you are seen to fit in with everyone else, as deviation from the norm will lead to social exclusion / a really good hiding, and I know that sashimi is the gastronomic delight of the moment, but letting your food inspire your fashion is taking things one step too far. (Note to self: Salmon and Sashimi Buckle, what fabulous names for my children!). Alas all I can say to the youth indulging in this behaviour is No No No! Be strong as you start your university experience. This is the time to find out who really you are, like proper deep down inside innit, and not just follow the crowd. So find your voice and ditch the fish.

Topshop I am blaming you fully for this sartorial faux pas.

(photos from www.topshop.co.uk and www.topman.co.uk)

I also blame you

(photo source: www.littlebrightworld.blogspot.com)

And you. Me? Yes you.

(photo source: www.denimblog.com)

I'd be laughing too Kelly if I was wearing those shorts

(photo source. www.celebgall.blogspot.com)

And to the boys of the world - me thinks that Simon Cowell has more influence on you than you would care to admit?

Salmon chinos are what makes you beautiful

Not so sure about the shorts though Louis

What's one of the reason's for my apparent low mood these past few weeks? Probably that I have been lucky enough to spend the earlier part of the year visiting some truly exquisite locales. Firstly there was Miami's South Beach during Spring Break and then in July I jetted to Barcelona to stay in the city's hippest hotel, the W Barcelona. And now? Well now there is just a long line of month's ahead, full of dark nights and hours filled with Coronation Street versus Eastenders. No, please don't make me watch the Enders my life can't be that bad!

The W Barcelona is a controversial addition the city-scape, sitting a-twix the port and beach and straddling the uber-cool area of Barcelonetta, where women lounge around being non-chalantly totally effing hawt (serving only to highlight the pink sausage complexion of myself and best friend), whilst the men gave me quite the fright by letting it all hang out whilst playing bat and ball on the beach - 'Zanny I just saw a willy...run!!' - oh how my eyes bled! Over exposure and liberalism aside the pictures speak for themselves and the W again lived up to it's reputation as the coolest boutique brand du jour. Get yourself booked I say!

The W Barcelona is an imposing creature

Reflections of the beach front - wow

Poolside entry rule number 1: 'You've gotta look totally effing hot ' aka 'No English Welcome'

(www.w-barcelona.com)

We rocked pink sausage chic en la playa

I needed quite the lie down after the sight of so many men letting it all hang free!

Looking ahead to the next sojourn Biskit has put his foot down. Apparently The Bahamas is not a realistic alternative to a repeat visit to Miami. As if! Pah, the Bahamas is, in my opinion, not extravagant at all, merely a delightful relaxing retreat. Blackpool, Benidorm, the Bahamas, what is the difference, other than that we will have a far more fabulously glittering time at one of them.

If I canny go to Miami then I wanna go to The Bahamas- do you hear me!

(photo source: www.bahamas.com)

Is it just me who finds the whole equinox debacle ghastly? I don't care if it means it is dark in Australia, I need it to be sunny here. Now! 'Life is boring, accept it!' my mother tells me after hearing my seasonally affected complaints of woe. 'Shh, be quiet, I'm watching the news story about the man who killed his girlfriend' Biskit shouts. Even my serotoningly stimulated lamp laughs at me. 'Ha, you paid £100 for me. You could have spent that money on a holiday. Or a spray tan. You fool'. Alas in times of darkness one must have fortitude and so I did what all pseudo-depressive forward slash wannabe fashion bloggers do. I went to the Mall. And at the Mall I found an unlikely inspiration in the form of Harry Styles, the man-child star of One Direaction fame. OK, unfortunately Harry himself wasn't there to impart his charismatic wisdom up on me, which would have certainly cheered me up (or led to my untimely death via trampling by all the girlies who follow him around all the time trying to get in to his pants), but what I did find was that the shops were abreast with a plethora of One Direction cutie pie inspired furry winter hats, and if there is one thing sure enough to perk me up for winter it is....a new hat. Hmm...

  Super cute Harry in his lovely cuddly hat helped brighten my mood

(photo source: www.sugarscape.com) 

My tres chic alternative sans teddy face from River Island 

(photo source: www.riverisland.com)

So I rushed home eager to grace my Best Biskit with my new purchase and improved mood. Did he like it, I asked with a smile and a twirl?

'You look like a tw*t' he replied. Hmm...

If you are anything like me then you will have spent the summer gnawing off your own hand in countdown to the start of Gossip Girl Season 5, right? How has it taken SO LONG to get here? The only thing which has kept me going through these barren months was the news that OhSoSmitho Stalwart Queen Liz of Hurley is joining the cast this season. OMG, this is my dream job - how does she do it? Estee Lauder contract. Check. Swimwear collection. Check. Re-curring role in Gossip Girl. Check. Snogging the face off Nate Archibald when you are old enough to be his mother. Check check check. Going out with Shane Warne. Erm, uncheck! Really, what is that all about Liz? If you are going to be starring on prime time television the best thing you can do for all concerned is get back with Hugh ASAP! Here are some teaser snaps of Liz on set to help us make it through these last few days away from the Upper East Side.

 The best job in the world?

Watch out Nate!

Whilst I am mightily excited about Queen Liz's appointment to set we should not let it detract from the real reason for the global anticipation ahead of the commencement of Season 5. Namely do you Chair or Dair? Umm, Chair obviously! As much as I love Dan Humphrey I just do not get the Dair bandwagon. I actually blinked and missed the much hyped kiss between Dan and Blair and spent so much of the time during the last few episodes trying to read the non-existent sub-text that I sent myself dizzy. Blair loves Chuck. Dan loves Serena. End of. PS - Jenny and Nate, Jenny and Nate! Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how we need it to end! 

And the winner is?

Chair?

Or Dair?